Life ain't short, but it sure is small.
You get forever, but nobody at all.
Do you remember the last time I sat in front of the computer and texted the shit that was going through my mind? Well now is one of those times too, I need to let this thing out.
Remember that green eyed girl? Well, after all I told her how I felt about her. And guess what? She turned me down. Yeah, unfortunately she did. And you might ask; how do you feel about it? And well, I will answer that it has affected me more than I imagined, I thought that in the minute that I knew the answer, you know the “yes, I like you” or - the most possible scenario at that time and the thing that end up being true the…- “no, it’s not what I’m looking for” I would let the thing go but the damned “no” end up really affecting me, you know It’s hard, I never really thought it would be this way cuz, you know, it was just a kinda crush or something… well I guess it was a little more than a crush because I started to build some kind of feeling and start imagining shit but that’s why I decided to tell her what was going on with me and my freaking feelings in order to stop thinking that way or star building something new beside her. And yes the most probably thing show up, statistics never go wrong she said no, no, no… no. But you know, that’s not the worst part, the worst part is that I had this feeling, this feeling that felt so freaking right, that feeling of being safe around this girl, the feeling of coziness, that feeling of being completely able to build a great story. Yeah. That is the worst part, that my mind fooled me, that I was losing myself in a state of imagination, I was losing my mind, nothing that I ever thought that she might felt about me was real, none of it. That was the worst part, being such a fool. I fooled myself in a very, very clever way that really amazed me that it didn’t end up being true, because for a moment it felt really real. For a moment I could saw myself being capable of loving and be loved back, for a briefly moment I felt that, I felt reciprocated love, and yes it conclude being nothing but a creation of my lonely mind.
(Source : jongeheer)
Okay, I’ve been here, in this position before, you know. Here I am, again, talking to myself about her. Yeah, having thoughts about she and me. Thoughts about how amazing and funny she is, about how her brown light hair falls upon her shoulders. Thoughts about that amazing and noble green eyes of hers. Yeah, I’ve been trying to let her know how I feel about her, about the feeling that I’ve been grown for her. But you know, right now at this paticular time at particular night I feel bored, I feel I’m just wasting my time on somebody that might never fall for me.
A long time ago (not that long actually) I really, really thought that she might have feelings for me just the way I have feelings for her. But now I feel stagnant in a palce where I have not achieved anything at all. A place where I have just wasted my time imagining how it would be if we ever get together. I don’t know what to do or how I should act. I have this weird feeling on my stomach, that thing when you just want to stare at her and shout out loud the way you feel for her, that hurry, that rush of letting her know that you’ve been cultivated feelings, nobel feeling for her. That you want to be by her side, that you wannna hold her hand, kiss her lips, her eyes, her palms. That you just want to go and discover a whole new world just beside her, that you wannna take that long trip, that long shot, that you want to risk it all and see how it goes. Yeah I want that, I what to let her know all of this but I don’t know how, I don’t know where, I’m not even sure if telling her is a good idea, I don’t know if she might freak out and run away, or she might stay and see through my eyes and tell me that she also wants to be by my side. I don’t know anything, I just don’t. I want to know, I need to know. I don’t want to give up on this, I don’t want to give up on her. I don’t want to get bored of this.